sheri carlstrom...slices of an ordinary life

Taking a Break

Today we were discussing our plans for the upcoming Spring Break. Our plan is to have no plans. We are not going anywhere. We traveled over Thanksgiving, we traveled over Christmas. We have been busy with basketball and wrestling, homework, dinners, schedules and life in general.

We would indeed enjoy going someplace very much, but decided this year what we desire even more is to sleep late and generally be lackadaisical.

I loved what Erin said, "Let's just feel the break". Sometimes we  happily and excitedly use our break to travel or to see friends and family. But this year we will use our break to simply feel the break from routines and requirements. I guess we do have a plan after all.

Say it Isn't So.....

This has been the motto of our house all summer...but school starts tomorrow. I'm not ready to shift gears just yet, so I"m thinking I'll leave it up on the door just a little longer.

We had a family meeting over lunch to make sure all our calendars are synced up before we head into this week ~ football, cross country, games, meets, travel. Check, check, check, check, check. It doesn't feel quite so easy in the fall.

We'll (I'll) adjust, we (I) always do, but that part of me that doesn't like change, doesn't like the unknown, and the part that just wants to just slow time down will have a little bit of a hard time this week.
 

Grateful that we got to live out our summertime saying.

Another Ordinary Day...But Set Apart

It was an ordinary day...a Wednesday even, middle of the week, nothing really special at all, in fact I had picked up football carpool and run the youngest to day camp that morning. But it happened to be the day we marked twenty years of marriage. I'm not very big on Valentine's Day or anniversary celebrations, which tends to make things like this easy on my husband.

We did speak months ago about this particular anniversary though, and we acknowledged that it was falling in a very busy and memory making summer. We saw a graduation, a graduation party, lots of out of town family at our home, a 20th Anniversary, 5 summer camps, and a 50th birthday all in the span of about 6 weeks! So although we made some vague plans of a trip to San Francisco, we knew it would not happen on that Wednesday.

With four kids, and it being the middle of an already full week, it would have been easy to just grab some dinner out, exchange a card and come home knowing that later we would mark this milestone. Honestly, this would have been enough for me.

But Kevin made reservations at a very nice restaurant, my girls helped me decide which dress to wear, I wore some borrowed high heel shoes, and off we went. As we drove in his new (used) sports car, I felt a little transformed from "mom" to "date". 

We were greeted with "Happy Anniversary" by the hostess and waiter, and I felt set apart. As we lingered over appetizers, wine, dinner and even dessert, I felt in love. As  I read the letter my husband wrote to me, I felt loved. I wandered in my thoughts back to the beginning our life together as we stood together...apart from, but with family and friends, to say that we were doing this thing called life as one. 

We will get to San Francisco - hopefully this winter, when our daughter is settled in college and football  season is over for our son...although basketball season will be in full swing for our baby girl. I guess there will always be something scheduled in the boxes on the calendar - maybe not big stuff like graduations and milestone birthdays and anniversaries, just ordinary life stuff. But as we took time out for "us" last week, I was reminded that carving time out, and being intentional about nurturing us as a couple is what will grant us these ordinary days we so enjoy. It was a reminder that I needed. Happy Anniversary to the love of my life.

Oh yeah...our kids remembered we were husband and wife as well as mom and dad, and in addition to the roses, this is what we came home to on that Wednesday...  

July 14, 2001...an Ordinary Day

Erin was playing on the swingset and was pushing an
empty swing. When I asked her what she was doing,
she said "I'm giving God an Underdog!"

Lately, I have been posting more on my Mother of the What? blog, but I want to continue posting here as well. Today, is an ordinary day and I am cleaning out drawers and organinzing. OK, for those of you who know me, this may not sound like an ordinary day, in fact it may sound like a rare day indeed, but anyway...

I am always encouraging younger moms to write down the cute things that their kids say because we think we will remember, but many times we don't. (A little plug for my business here ...yes, I know we need to update that site). When we have recorded those moments and sayings and read them later, it comes back to us many times very clearly. In my cleaning out of drawers today I found the above written on a notecard dated July, 14, 2001. Erin would have been four years old when that played out on an ordinary day....and right now I can see her standing out there and almost hear her sweet little voice. Its like ice-cream on my slice of life today.

Go Team!

OK, so I know I'm a woman and maybe don't understand sports and sports teams in the way that some men and boys do, (and some women) so feel free to comment and enlighten me on what I am about to tackle.

We happen to be from Minnesota, and as the Vikings made it further and further through the season, my household was excited and happy. In the big game that determined who would go to the Super Bowl, our team lost. It was frustrating and disappointing. But what I heard our youngest son say the next morning made me personally frustrated and disappointed.

"The Vikings lost last night. I was going to wear my Vikings jersey to school if they won, but now I'm not, because I'm ashamed of them."

I just looked at him, and then finally said, "How can you be ashamed of a team that made it to the final play-off game?"

If we only stand with our teams when they win, then I'm glad I'm not a team. I lose a lot, and quite honestly, I need someone wearing my jersey when I've lost...much more so than when I'm winning.

It made me wonder about the message being sent, in school, in our offices, in our homes. If your team wins, wear their jersey, if they lose, don't; in fact, feel free to make disparaging remarks about them. How does this translate to our kids and their spot on their sports teams? When their team wins or they make the perfect basket, or catch, we celebrate with them. And when they lose, miss the pass, drop of the ball, we let them know we are still proud of them, but I wonder...do they believe us?

If my son gets pinned in wrestling in the first round and I tell him it looked like he did his best, does he believe me? Maybe so, and I'm just being sensitive. Its just that I have been wondering how we are silently impacting our kids with how, and when, we do, and do not, support our teams.

Feedback?

Day in, Day Out...Where are we now?

With a four kids, a husband that travels, and many other things that occupy my time its easy to just go through the day and then do it over again, and again, and again, and again, and......again. But last week we had an appointment that made me step back and look at something from a bigger perspective.

The child we are adopting has a few things to work through (wouldn't we all if we had been through the foster care system) and some days (sometimes even weeks) can be very trying.  Sometimes we have found ourselves just trying to figure out how to manage until bedtime.

Three months ago we were at an appointment trying to find a direction through the complete chaos which seemed to incase us. We left the appointment and trudged through more days. The next month we were in the office again, this time less chaos, but much apathy and great frustration. We left with another tool and 30 more days. Last week we sat in the office again to see where we were.

Although I knew the days had been better and easier, I hadn't taken the time out to measure, or see, or even appreciate where we were. We had just been going through the days - which are busy with practices, games, studies, travel, and on and on. But it was at this appointment that I realized, Hey...things are going so much better. Look where we were three months ago, two months ago, today.  

On the way home we stopped for a little celebration treat. Not something I would have done on a regular Wednesday. But because of the opportunity to stop and assess, I realized we really were in a new and good place. 

It made me realize that I would like to be more intentional in looking at other things in my life with a bigger perspective. Such as...where was I in my walk with God a year ago, six months ago, today. Am I headed in the right direction? Am I accomplishing the parenting I had aspired to - the mile markers are flying by as these kids of ours keep growing up. Am I learning and growing in my job? Am I growing and developing in relationships?

In all the busyness that I live in, how can make sure I am actually progressing and not just standing still as I run around?

What do you measure? How do you measure it? What would you like to start measuring? Does or could assessing have value? (Do you even care about measuring?)

Comment below and let's talk about it!

Back to School Blues

Today was Day 5 of Back to School. It seemed to begin like the other 4 mornings; too early, two cups of coffee, and 4 kids out the door. I work 2 days a week and this was one of those days. But something happened when I got to work. I cried. What the heck. Why am I crying? I wondered. I truly did not know what was weighing so heavily upon me. I got teary a second time and warned everyone of the unanticipated tears and to read nothing into it. I went to the bathroom and told myself to stop, which brought more tears. I sat down and wondered what it was all about when I heard a friends words in my head...You do this every fall. It's Ok, you get through it. And I knew immediately what was wrong.

I don't really like big change, and I really don't like seeing time march by in what feels like big segments. I don't like feeling like everyone has control of my schedule but me. And when we go back to school, all of that happens at one time.

Change...and Time, moving in what seems like chunks.
Our oldest started her Junior year. Its a big year. We are starting to think about and plan for college. There are things that just need to be done during this year to have her prepared for that next step.

My youngest started middle school. How can that be?

My son is playing football and is experiencing the challenges and rewards of being on an 8th grade team. He's getting so tall, tough and so grown-up.

And there's the matter of us welcoming one more into our home last week. He lived with us 14 months ago for 1 1/2 years. Due to changes in his situation he has come back into our home as a foster child but with every intention of becoming a permanent family member. 

For someone one who's not huge on change, that's a lot to take in over the last 10 days. Then there's the matter of "my" schedule. I sit waiting for kids who get let out late from activities. There are many expectations to sign up for many things. There are 4 Back to School nights, meetings, appointments, dinner, groceries, a house that seems to be getting more and more cluttered...and...well...tears.

(Maybe I should follow my youngest daughter's lead and take a nap each afternoon at 3:00.)

It's fall. Change is coming. And I will be OK. I just need a little time to figure out the direction, and set my sights on where we are headed. It will be different, but it will be ok...most likely it will be wonderful.

Do you struggle with change, or with any particular time of the year? How do you get through it? Leave a comment and let me know.

Courage

Erin, my 10 year old, came home from the school Talent Show dress rehearsal in tears.  She chose to sing for her act but something happened with her music. She started at the wrong spot and she couldn't seem to get it right. She ended up standing silently at the microphone until the chorus but then was able to get caught up. The Dessert Theater Talent Show for the parents was the next night and she was terrified that this could happen again.

I told her how sorry I was and reminded her that that was why they did dress rehearsals, it really wasn't likely to happen again.  Her dad custom made that CD, she had been practicing with it and we knew the CD was fine. I told her I would even talk to the woman in charge of the music if that would make her feel better. 

The next night when she took the stage, she was smiling and comfortable. The music started, but it was playing so quietly that she couldn't hear it. She looked a little wide-eyed, started singing but knew immediately it wasn't right, she tried again, not right. Her face fell and tears filled her eyes. Her head dropped and we heard her whisper with a very shaky voice, "oh, man".

The room is perfectly silent and it seems as if we all are willing her on, but she stands in silence and I am sure she will leave the stage in tears. Then, she hears the chourus and she starts singing, every word right where it belongs.  I start to breathe again and now tears fill my eyes.  She sings with great confidence, and she is doing all of the moves she has practiced over and over.  I am amazed. I am proud. I am teary.

I would have been so happy for Erin and proud of her had she had a flawless performance, but the fact that she overcame what could have easily sent her off the stage, well, that made me all the more proud.

It took courage to decided to perform in front of all those people.  But it took perseverence, courage, and strength to overcome the botched beginning and give such a great performance. 

I hope the next time I am in a place where I can't hear the music, the words coming out of my mouth are all wrong, I feel a lump forming and tears filling my eyes, I will have the courage she did...and perservere until I hear the chorus.

(She sang Only the World by Mandisa, and as I listen again the words, I realize it was a perfect song for her last night.  Listen here.)

Inspiration in my sisters

My sister called me Monday to tell me that over the weekend half of her face became paralyzed. She went to the hospital and was told she had Bell's palsy. The MRI a few days later was consistent with this diagnosis. As we were talking she mentioned she had a training to do at work that day and it was going to be hard to do; besides the face issue, she had a headache. 

I'm thinking, Work? Training?  Are you kidding me?!  I would be at home, probably crying, searching the internet and insisting on the MRI being done right now. She is stronger than I. Talking to her later in the day, she said the training had gone well, she told everyone up front what was going on so they could focus on what she had to say and not what she looked like saying it. But now she was exhausted and was looking forward to getting home and resting.

I called my other sister to let her in on what was going on, though far away, we could each support and encourage her. We couldn't bring a meal to ease the evening, but we could have take-out delivered at dinner time. When she heard what was going on she too couldn't believe our sister had gone to work. She admitted she probably would not have left the house for at least a week; vanity may have held her captive. After she had talked to Tracey herself, she felt so inspired and humbled by Tracey that she went into the bathroom at her office and took off all her make-up. Vanity be gone!  (She even left for Boston for several days of meetings and said she didn't pack make-up!) If her sister could do what she had done, she could stand with her and face the world with, well...a slightly different face.

She sent a text message to Tracey telling her of her solidarity stand.  Tracey texted back and told her to tape one eye open and one side of her mouth down, then she would really be standing with her! 

So, I am inspired by both my sisters.  I'm still wearing make-up but I did send a pizza dinner the other night. I pray that this paralysis reconciles itself sooner rather than later. I read an email from Tracey the other night, in it she said, "I am praying for a quick recovery and in the meantime I am looking for the lessons God has to teach me - it must be something good!!". (Romans 8:28) And I am inspired once again.

    

Summer!!....Schedule?

The other day a friend and I were on the phone trying to plan a short summer visit.  I always look forward to these summer visits and eagerly grabbed the calendar.  As we looked at June, then July and even August, we were stunned to find so little time available.  Between our two families, softball, basketball camps, church camps, drivers ed, family vacations, band camp, and on and on...well, we ended up promising each other we would figure it out. 

I knew our summer calendar was a little heavy because just a few days earlier I had been looking at it trying to find a 10 day stretch to get back to our home state to visit family.  I couldn't find one that didnt butt right up against a beginning or end of camp.  This was my first indication we had too much scheduled.  (I would wonder how this happened, but it was my writing on the calendar and I was the one who wrote all those deposit checks.)

Basketball camp will be awesome for my daughter, she goes with her best friend and they will build lifelong memories and she will gain some great skills. Church camps can be challenging and life changing and sports are great for all they teach, but the truth is I am already wondering what happened to summer; and its only April. 

I'm craving some l o n g  lazy, stretches in front of us.  I'm considering if I need to be concerned that my elementary child won't play high school ball because I didn't committ to the next level right now.  I'm wondering how to simplify and be more discriminating and intentional with the days of next summer.   

Time flies when you're having fun, and we will have a blast this summer!  I'm just feeling a little thoughtful about these days that slip away so quickly and trying to slow down...because this is our life in progress.